We Are Scientists @ The Empty Bottle, Chicago [22 June]

We Are Scientists


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The Empty Bottle
1035 N Western Ave, Chicago, Illinois 60622
830PM // $18 (advance), $20 // 21+

We Are Scientists

1. WE ARE SCIENTISTS was formed in 2000, in Berkeley, CA. At early shows, members wore matching canvas jumpsuits — possible Marxist/Maoist messaging(?).

2. According to Source A, a family relation of one band member, prior to being signed to a publishing deal with Sony/ATV in 2005, one or both band members routinely “whined” about the unfairness of the music industry. Gripes included: “How is it possible that fucking OKGO are on MTV?”, “How the fuck are The Strokes a real band?”, and “What the fuck is supposed to be good about Interpol?” Presumption of parity with hierarchically ascendant bands suggests communist schematicism.

3. Albums released include “With Love & Squalor” (2005), “Brain Thrust Mastery” (2008), “Barbara” (2010), “TV en Français” (2014), “Helter Seltzer” (2016). Naming conventions suggest Marxist tendency, xenophilic/subversive anti-patriotism, cultism, radical first-wave feminism, Francophilia, & Beatlemania.

4. Source D, a promoter in Vienna, recounts that after a festival appearance there in 2017, the band returned to a hotel provided by source and “shredded a Bible” found in a drawer. This was confirmed by [NAME REDACTED] at [HOTEL NAME REDACTED].

5. New album “Megaplex” was recorded in New York City with producer Max Hart, a longtime collaborator. MH played keyboards with the band from 2007-2009; subsequently moved to Katy Perry’s band; subsequently to Melissa Etheridge’s. Also produced 2016’s “Helter Seltzer.” MH’s father was a union organizer in Northern California/Sacramento area; MH likely Trotskyite Marxist.

6. Source A says that when he was 19, Chris Cain stole her television and sold it to pay for a “Nintendo game” which he had been disallowed by source to possess. (Subversion of authority, criminal sociopathy, video game addiction.)

7. Source F, a producer at The Late Show with David Letterman, says that after the band’s second of three appearances, a pair of “shitty underwear” was found in a garbage can in their dressing room.

8. Internet-archived schedules for live events reveal visits — often extended — to over thirty countries, only fourteen NATO. “Touring” appearances may cover a pattern of seditious campaigning on behalf of various local insurgent interests.

9. International festivals where the band has performed include Glastonbury, Coachella, Reading & Leeds, Rock am Ring, Benicassim, Chasm (nudist), Beaches II: No Fear, Was Ist Himmel? (BDSM), Rounders (poker tournament based on the film), Gravid Aura (impregnation), and V Festival.

10. Source B, a member of the band’s crew for several years, attests that members rarely if ever drink flat water, strongly preferring carbonated. Collectivist implications of deliberate ingestion and subsumption of large quantities of bubbles are clear. Whether expressed inadvertently as pathology of indoctrinated ideas, or deliberately as a clandestine rebuke of capitalist anti-agency (per Marx), is less clear.
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